Yesterday I asked for help picking out an outfit to wear in New York.
Today, I started out this post as a “hey, look what I bought at Lane Bryant, isn’t it cute?”
Only, it’s black and not blue.
Then I decided to get fancy and take a picture of myself in my new outfit to share. And now I can’t stop crying.
How did I allow myself to get SO big? I tell myself “I’m healthy.” I tell myself “I’m normal.” I tell myself “I’m not that big.”
Heck, I really am pretty darn healthy. No high blood pressure, no diabetes, nothing. I’m always cleared for surrogacy because I am so healthy. But sadly, I am that big and I realized it today in the dressing room of Lane Bryant.
I tried on so many clothes. Skirts and shirts and dresses. I wanted something cute and fashionable to wear in NYC. Nothing fit. Nothing looked cute or fashionable.
Nothing.
I almost started to cry in the dressing room.
Then my mom brought me this dress. I remembered seeing it online and it was a similar style to that purple sweater dress thing that I liked. So I tried it on.
OH, it was comfortable! It doesn’t look so bad. Throw on a pair of Spanx. That will fix it up.
I think I was just so relieved that I found something that fit and was comfortable and affordable ($12!). I found some cute red shoes, a new slimming bra and leggings. All set.
I came home with my purchase. I decided to put it on so I could show my husband and take a picture to post for you all to admire.
HA.
My husband says “that looks fine.”
FINE???!!!
Then I get my camera and shoot a couple shots.
Oh God! I look terrible!!! I am just a big fat fucking cow and am going to look ridiculous in New York City.
Great, now I am crying again.
Here is the picture of my new outfit. I’m sorry it is blurry. I couldn’t stand to take more pictures of myself. You are lucky I am even smiling. I would tell you to be honest, but I don’t know if I could take it. So lie to me and tell me it looks great because right now I am ready to not go to NYC.
Rhea, I’m sorry you are feeling down! I’m also a big girl and I know that I need to lose weight but you know I do feel good about myself.
I think you look beautiful. Remember beauty is what lies inside!
Hugss
Thanks Lisa! I haven’t forgotten your blog design…just been gone so much. Crazy how things get when you get a kid in school! Back to school night, baseball practice, birthday parties, yikes!
I’ll be working on it this weekend. Have to figure out how to fit the new header at the top.
you look wonderful! I had one of those ‘fat’ realization moments at the doctors office this week when I got on the scale and….oh my….are you serious? Just remember (I had to tell myself this same thing) if we are unhappy with ourselves, then it is time to change. If we do it, it is for US, not for anyone else.
Oh, how do I know that! The only times I am successful at dieting is when I decide it’s time…not for anyone else or any “deadline.” I guess it’s time now, huh? Except I can’t “diet” while pregnant. I’ll have to just be very mindful and then hit it head on next May.
Okay first of all…you KNOW I can relate. So big, HUGE hugs to you on that one.
Secondly, the outft is great!! But, I will be honest about one thing. It needs a little something else. Spice it up with a scarf or some red colored chunky jewelry (necklace, bracelet, etc.) and then go all out on your hair and makeup. You are going to be fab in NYC!!!!!!!!!!
Hey missy. Thanks for the nice comment. I actually had a cute necklace to go with it, but it was $30 and couldn’t spend the money on it. My mom is lending me a big red bracelet, I am going to search for another necklace or something.
Are you sure it’s not awful?
I know how you feel when shopping for new clothes! I scared myself the last time I went ! My daughter gave me an outfit to try on ,I was in the dressing room ,I was thinking ,who is that woman in here with me,it can’t be me!! My advice,stay away from full lenght mirrors!!
You’re perfect the way you are and I love the outfit.
Thank you Peggy! I think my problem was that I was staying away from full length mirrors so I let myself “forget” that I was fat. *sigh*
I’m glad you like the outfit and don’t think it’s awful.
Rhea I know how you feel. I hate having my picture taken because it seems like I take up the whole frame. You look great in that outfit. Add some bright accessories and you will knock ‘em dead in NYC.
Thanks Aggie!! I’m off to find accessories today.
Rhea, We are all too hard on ourselves. You look great and your smile and personality so shine through! Have a great time in NY, this is a great opportunity for you!
Kitty
I think I’ve decided that it’s the pregnancy hormones…right? That’s my story….
I think you are right! You look great and that’s that!
Oh darlin’ don’t get so down over something you can change, life is what we make of it right? I think you are GORGEOUS but I have been where you are now. Two years ago I looked at a picture of myself and was so embarrassed that I had dared go out and let people see me like *that* that I got down on my knees and in hysterical tears prayed for God to help me…needless to say that help didn’t come in the form of “miracle skinniness” but it did come in the form of strength. The next day I started counting my calories with Weight Watchers at home, I started minimally exercising and as the time went on the exercise became more and the food choices were easier and within, I’d say about 4 months I had dropped a good 25lbs. Today I stand at 42lbs lost and kept off and looking back I can tell you it wasn’t easy but it definitely wasn’t as hard as I’d prepared myself for it to be. There’s a website called MyFitnessPal.com that offers a lot of support and a food diary to help you keep track of your progress, you may find it helpful too. Regardless of all of this, I think you are gorgeous and when you feel that you are strong enough to begin your weight loss journey to get rid of that heavy heart most of all, remember that you are not alone *hugs*
Wow! Good for you! That’s something to really be proud of. The thing is that I know I can do this. I’ve done it before, it’s just finding the motivation to stay on track. I lose a bunch, gain it (plus) back. The normal cycle.
But right now I am pregnant and can’t get all crazy dieting. But I can be careful what I eat and not go crazy to prepare myself for after the babies come to get to business.
Thank you for your comment. I appreciate the support.
Rhea, I more than anything know how you feel. I’m right up there with you, k? I think the outfit looks good. I really do. I don’t think it’s as bad as you think. I like Michelle’s suggestion. GL getting a cool necklace to go with it. You’ll have a fabulous time!!!! Oh and congrats on being “officially” pregnant!!!
Thanks Sheryl ((hugs))
It’s not awful. I love the outfit. Oh, and you’re PREGNANT so give yourself a break! Let me tell you something – very very few people look like they “really” do in photos. I rarely post photos of myself and when I do they are photoshopped within an inch of themselves. Add some chunky jewelery that feels good and have the time of your life in NYC. Did you check out Torrid? They seem to have more “young” stuff in plus sizes than Lane Bryant.
You’re beautiful, don’t let some dumbass, picture taken at the wrong angle make you feel bad.
I’m only 5 weeks pregnant!! I don’t think I can start blaming that…or can I? LOL!
Anyhow – I did check Torrid. I always forget about them. I actually like their tights, much more colorful. So I may get something other than black just to perk myself up.
you look so cute! and as long as i’ve known you, you’ve always been smiling, which is the important part. you were always the perfect foil to my moody bi-atch. now, try being the “big” girl in an area where standard operating attire is a bikini…and yet, i still don’t do anything about anything
Aw, you left me a comment on my blog…and it was a nice one.
Were you a moody bitch? I never noticed.
ps – thank’s for thinking I look cute.
I really like the outfit! But I do agree with the others that you do need to add some color and then it will be perfect! I HATE HATE HATE taking pictures of myself because when I see them I’m like, “Who in the hell is that fat chick???” I’m divorced mom of two and I recently put an ad on Yahoo Personals and I only put a picture of my FACE. Just my FACE! I don’t want them running for the doors before they can actually meet me! But seriously, you CAN blame your self-doubt on your pregnancy. I mean, look how hormonal we women get just when we’re PMSing! And don’t worry about what you’re wearing to NYC. Just be you, let your personality shine through, and have fun! Besides, who are you trying to impress anyway? You obviously already have a great husband and if you’re trying to impress other women – DON’T. Because their just as worried about how they look as you are (even those skinny little bitches!)
aw, thanks Julie! I am so glad I am not the only one that hates her own pictures. They are the devil! And I don’t know that I feel the need to “impress” I just didn’t want to look like my normal, stained, t-shirt wearing self. I just want to look nice for me. kwim?
Hows the dating going? I met my DH online but not at a dating service. It was just a chat room. good luck with that. I’m sure you will find someone great.