I asked recently if you had a child with ADHD, “how did you know?” Well, I sent his teacher an email over the Spring Break to get her thoughts. I figured she has seen lots of boys his age and maybe she would have an opinion or some insight.
Kids went back to school today and when I picked my son up from class she brought it up. She mentioned getting my email note and that she “agrees.” She does not think I am off base in my suspicions that he might be ADHD and she thinks it is a good idea to have him evaluated. She would not be surprised if he has it.
I have mixed feelings right now.
On one hand, I feel validated that someone else…a professional…agrees with me. That I’m not just a lousy mother looking to “blame” something for my child’s unruliness.
On the other hand, my heart is breaking. I don’t want to be right! I want someone to just tell me that he is typical and suggest some new parenting techniques to me so that I can be a more effective parent.
We meet with his pediatrician tomorrow for an initial evaluation. His teacher said to expect them to give me a form for her to fill out about his school behaviors. Then I guess I’ll know more about what’s next.
Rhea, how old is Anthony now? 5? Well I have to say, it is really hard to decide if they have ADHD at that age. Usually by 2nd grade, you can really tell. A teacher can without a doubt see a difference between boys who are energetic and those who can’t control themselves. I am concerned about ADHD and the meds given to little children. As a teacher, I believe there are only a select few students who truly need to be medicated. Remember many of these meds are narcotics and we don’t how they will affect a developing/ growing brain. Your brain doesn’t stop growing until you are 18. Just some food for thought.
Sarah, he’s 5. I am strongly against medicating!! BUT, if I could know and learn about how his brain is working, then maybe I could just effectively parent him better…does that make sense? Me and Bob have talked and neither of us want him “doped” up. I think that’s why I’m so worried.
He is really off the walls though! Something is wrong, whether it’s me or him though, I don’t know yet.
Totally get that. The tests as far as I know are just surveys based on a 0-5 rating. The teacher, as well as the parents and any other person who is with the child more than 50% of the time would fill it out. Again, this is subjective. You should definitely talk to your pedi and yes, he can get help in school should be ADhd, even without meds. He can be placed on a 504 and for testing etc he will receive accommodations.
Here’s the thing. The teacher would definitely know. ADHD students STAND OUT! I mean you can’t miss it. I have had loads of crazy, disturbing boys in my class, but the ADHD kids are so obvious! They get up randomly and run somewhere, then break something, then look at your like they have no idea what just happened. They can’t sit for longer than 5 minutes (I usually time it). It takes all their energy to focus on what you are doing and you have to be super visual. But the thing is, they don’t get along with other kids. Usually for stupid reasons like they kick people on the rug (they dont meant to do it), and they never focus on themselves, just other things they can obsess about that have nothing to do with the task at hand.
LOL Sarah! You just described Anthony!
It confuses me though, because he CAN sit and like watch a movie, or iCarly. Something like that. He can color a picture (if he wants to). But in general, he is going going going. He can’t get through a meal w/out being up 1000 times, rocking his chair, having outbursts. He does not play well with other children, is extremely bossy and assertive. But he get’s along GREAT with adults and wants be be very helpful there (well, with the exception of mom & dad LOL).
His report cards have been “does not play well with others.” Distracted, etc. He wants to have friends and gets upset when they won’t play with him…but then it’s like he doesn’t know what to do.
He cries at the drop of the hat, is extremely sensitive.
I don’t know. I would rather it NOT be this, but the signs are there. Everywhere I read, it’s Ant. So surreal.
I don’t know you on a personal level (or at all really!) ….nor do I know your son. But, if I were in this situation (which I very well could be in the next few years with my two year old…you never know!) then I would have him tested.
If the tests come back positive, then it will give you a sense of relief by knowing what is going on. And you can start to treat the issue. If they come back negative, it could be something else, or that he is just a kid…doing as kids sometimes do. If the tests were positive, don’t beat yourself up. You are his mom, and these are things we are supposed to notice…I would call it “mothers instinct”…so it would mean to me, that you are actually paying attention to your son. And just because a child is ADHD, does not mean that they HAVE to go on medication. There are other ways of helping children function through the day without it. It would take time, patience…and probably a good deal of research.
If your son is ADHD, you don’t want to not get him tested. Say for example, he is, maybe he needs more help at school. And if he didn’t get tested, he might not get that help and start falling behind.
If he is not, then maybe it is the way he is being parented…but, maybe he is just being a kid, and going through an unruliness phase. Like I said, I don’t know your family, nor am I one to judge….or make assumptions.
Either way, like I said before, don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault if you happen to be right in your thinking that he may be ADHD. No parent WANTS to be right. It’s a sign of good parenting on your part though, that you have noticed something and are looking for answers.
I wish you and your family the best.
Thank you, Rebecca!
Just want to say that medication can help some kids…and we don’t feel like we’re “doping” up our child by giving them to her. She would not get through a school day without them. The few times she has forgotten to take her meds on a school day she has gotten in trouble. They help her pay attention and focus better.
It is a myth that children with ADHD can’t focus on anything. They can if it is of interest to them.
Thank you for telling me this. I just have visions of medicating him and losing his spirit. I guess it’s just one of those things, that as an “outsider” I need to learn.
If it’s not ADHD, then maybe look into allergy testing. If you have allergy testing done, see if it can be the type where they take a vial of blood and send it off to a lab, rather than the skin testing which is too limited and too painful for small children.
Multiple allergies can cause children to feel like they are coming out of their skin and behave badly. Why do I know this, well I was a child with tons of food allergies and almost everything I had at breakfast just started me off for a bad day. It was hard to concentrate, to sit still and listen, to interact correctly. Finally after testing and allergy shots and antihistamines, limiting of foods that caused the problems to begin with, and I got so much better. Unfortunately I was older when the testing was done and lost alot of learning time. Somehow I was passed onto middle school with poor reading and comprehension skills, but I think it’s because the school just wanted to be rid of me.
So once again, if it’s not ADHD, you might check out allergies. Allergies don’t always produce severe life threatening symptoms, or rashes, or runny noses. Sometimes they hit the chemistry in the blood which crosses the blood brain border and hits the nervous system too.
This is great to know Lauralee! Thanks. I’ll mention it today with his ped.
Just wanted to pass along big hugs to you!!!