Me and my mom decided to take the boys to the zoo yesterday afternoon.  We wanted to check out the Night Time Zoo (which wasn’t really anything other than some cool lit up trees).

While we were traveling down the highway, my mom SCREAMED and started slapping at her lap.  She usually only screams like this when there is a spider nearby so that’s what I assumed she was slapping hysterically at.  She darn near drove off the road!  I started laughing and tried asking her “WHAT?”

She was laughing, “There’s a LIZARD in my lap!!!”

“WHAT?”

“There is a lizard crawling on my lap!”

We decided to pull over.  It wasn’t a very good spot though (we were on the highway) so we got back in the car and drove down the road a little bit to a pull out.  There we got out of the car and were looking all over for this lizard.  My mom described it as medium size.  We have a ton of baby lizards all over right now and she was saying it wasn’t a baby.  I was just laughing at her.

No luck finding the lizard.  We decided to continue on our trip.

My mom had to stop at the mall to pick up a dress.  While me and my boys waited for her, we searched for this lizard.  Me and Mr. A. were looking under the seats, folding things down, in the glove compartment, under the rugs… Nothing.  We started making fun of her that it was all imaginary.

We laughed about the lizard all the way to the Zoo.  My mom started second guessing herself…maybe there really wasn’t a lizard?

Uh-huh.  Sure mom.

Off enjoying the zoo, we all but forgot about our little hitchhiker.

9:00 PM.  Loading up and coming home.  All of us were so thirsty so we pulled into AM/PM for some water.  My mom just pulled up right in front of the store and I jumped out to run inside.

Do you know what it feels like, when it’s sticky out and your shirt sticks to you?  And then it kinda peels off and it gives you a shiver?  I thought my shirt did that.  But then something scurried across the back of my neck.

Standing right in front of the cashier in the AM/PM I jumped and screamed and started shaking out my hair!

I started yelling, “IS THERE A LIZARD ON ME??!!”

I spun around and was looking at the floor, thinking maybe I knocked it off and it was loose in the store.  Then I spun back around to look at the stunned cashier and shouted again, “Do you see a lizard on me?!”

The poor girl was like “um, uh, no?”  (I’m sure she was thinking, WTH kind of mushroom trip is this girl on??)

And then she said, “Oh, wait.  Come here.  There IS a lizard on you!”

I carefully stepped forward and she was pointing at my shirt.  I looked down, and there was a little baby lizard sitting on my chest.  I reached over with my left hand and plucked it up.

I said, “Well, hello little lizard.  We’ve been looking for you!”

I tried to quickly explain to the cashier about the earlier incident in the car and how we had been looking for this lizard all day.  I’m sure she thought I was absolutely certifiable!  Here I was laughing hysterically, telling her we had been looking all day for a lizard.  I couldn’t wait to get back to my car to tell my mom what I found!!

My mom was still waiting for me outside the store.  Apparently she had been having a conversation with Mr. A. about farting and he was laughing at her telling her “it must have been the lizard!”  So even the 5 year old was making fun of my mom and her imaginary lizard.

I knocked on her window.  I was still laughing.

She unrolled the window.  I was trying to show her what was in my hand, but it was just a little lizard and she couldn’t see it.  I unwrapped my fingers a little and was saying “LOOK!”

Then she caught on.

“Where did that come from?!”

“It was in my hair!!!”

The pool little scared lizard!  He had a traumatic day.  We decided to let him go in a flower planter at the AM/PM.  There was no way to get him home.  Our little country lizard has been moved to the city.  We laughed our asses off all the way home.  We laughed so hard that my head hurt and my throat went scratchy.  My boys in the back were telling us to be quite and stop laughing so they could sleep.