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I Want a Cupcake

February 26, 2011 By 18 Comments

I’m an emotional eater.  I get stressed, sad, angry or discouraged and I eat.  I’ve pretty much been on some sort of diet my entire adult life.  I do pretty good for a couple weeks and I might lose a few pounds.  Heck, I might lose a lot of pounds.  But then something will happen and it will all fall apart.  Something like I’ll have a fight with my husband, or my kids will be particularly big assholes, or I step on the scale and don’t see an improvement.

I’ll get sad or angry and because I don’t generally keep snacks in my house (for fear of eating them), I’ll bake.  I really enjoy baking!  I really enjoy eating my baked goods, too.

I know I should go in and eat a carrot, but when I’m mad I don’t want a stupid carrot.  I want an ooey gooey chocolate and caramel cookie.  Or ten.

Last year I decided to participate in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure.  I had several reasons for wanting to walk, one of them being that I was bound to lose weight.  Right?  I mean, training for a 60 mile walk, one has to lose weight.  Right?  Right?

Well, guess what?  I broke my foot.  Do you know why I broke my foot?  Because I was a fat girl trying to exercise!

Stress fracture.  Too much walking, too soon, too fat.  Talk about cupcake inducing depression.

I did complete the 3 Day walk (in a cast).  I walked all but 10 miles on a very rainy day.  I trained and walked even with a broken foot.  Did I lose any weight?  Nope.  Not a single freaking pound.  And even though I am extremely proud of what I accomplished, I was still discouraged by my lack of weight loss.

*sigh*

The walk has passed.  I can’t wait to do it again this year!  I’m still waiting for this stress fracture to heal.  I’m still trying to watch my calories.  I’m still fat.

So, my doctor suggested that I find a way to exercise that is low/no impact.  This way I can get exercising without hurting my foot.  I have friends with elliptical machines and they love them, so I started shopping Craigslist.  There were several for around $150.  So my mom gave me cash for my birthday so I could buy one.  YAY mom!  But as I started really researching the machines I was finding the same problem over and over again.  These cheap elliptical machines wouldn’t support my weight.

Here I am.  Too fat to walk.  Too fat for an affordable elliptical machine (I can’t afford a $1000 machine!).  And I want a cupcake.

This, my friends, is why fat people stay fat.  You may think that we are weak or that we have no motivation.  Trust me, getting kicked off the roller coaster because you’re too big IS motivation!   People think that we get weight loss surgery because it is “easy.”  But that isn’t true either.  Fat people go shopping for weight loss equipment but can’t afford the heavyweight machines.  We try to start walking and make goals to even start running, but then our own feet can’t support our weight.  This is all very discouraging for me.

I want a cupcake.

Filed Under: Fat Flinging Friday Tagged With: ,
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Fat Flinging Friday

January 7, 2011 By 2 Comments

God I hate dieting!  I hate being fat, but I hate dieting.  This sucks.

Weighed in this morning and I’m up 2 more pounds.  So, I’m still down 5 from when I started but after being down 10 the week before Christmas, I can say that the holidays kicked my ass.  All this up and down, YAY’s and BOOHOO’s just suck.  I know I said that already, but it was worth repeating.

Thank goodness I finished off the last of the Christmas Fudge last night so I can focus on eating good again.

This week was not without a few highlights.  I got out and started walking again.  I haven’t walked since completing The 3 Day in November.  I was trying to give my foot time to finish healing.  But I’ve been stressed out a lot lately and my husband encouraged me to get out of the house.  It was NICE!  I really missed walking.  Unfortunately, I can say without much doubt that my foot is still broken.  I was definitely experiencing the tell tale pain that landed me at the doctor in the first place.  The problem here is that walking 60 miles in that cast, trashed it.  I quit wearing it because without traction on the bottom I kept slipping.  Not to mention that the velcro doesn’t stick anymore and it’s really loose and something is rattling on the inside.  But now I need a new one.

I also decided this week that I wanted to run in a 5K.  Not an easy feat for a fatty like me!  But there is a program and iPhone app called Couch to 5 K that I downloaded and started checking out.  While out on my walk this week, I actually attempted to RUN!  And you want to know what?  I didn’t DIE!  Amazing.

I really felt like a spectacle trying to run.  I haven’t ran in 20 years (no joke).  A few months ago I did try running after Gabe because he was falling out of the playset and I was trying to get to him so I could save his little rotten life, but I tripped and fell on my face right in front of everyone.  My brother still laughs about it (asshole).  So while I was running for my 1 minute I kept having visions of falling on my face.  So every time I heard a car coming, I stopped running.  All in all…I think I ran about 4-5 minutes out of the 40 that I was out.  Two days later my hips still hurt.

Yeah, it’s hard for a fatty to run.

It is really discouraging to have the desire to start an exercise program but an ongoing injury (broken foot) makes it so you have to wait.  I hate waiting.  I’ve been fat for a long time.  I’m tired of waiting to get my life back.

Anyhow.  That’s how my week went.  How was yours?

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Fat Flinging Friday {Again}

December 17, 2010 By 3 Comments

I know.  Fat Flinging Friday comes and goes.  I started it last year with full intentions of keeping it an ongoing thing.  Motivation and accountability for myself to remain “good.”  Well, we all know how that goes.  I apologize for being so inconsistent {not that I think anyone really noticed…did they?}.  But today, on this Fat Flinging Friday, I finally have progress to report.

I’ve lost 10 pounds!

Sorry about the happy dancing fool there…I couldn’t help myself.

Way back in July, I heard about the website www.sparkpeople.com.  I created an account.  But looking around the website was very overwhelming.  There is a TON of information.  Lots of articles,  a forum, recipes, meal planners, weight charts, reports, etc etc.  Quite frankly, it scared the hell out of me.  So I didn’t log on again until 2 weeks ago.

I guess I just had a moment.  A moment when I decided I wasn’t going to be fat anymore.  Not without a fight.  So I logged on and started tracking my calories.

HOLY COW

Those first 2 days were really hard.  I went over my “recommended” calories both days.  I thought, I failed my first two days, how am I ever going to do this?  But I kept at it.  The third day, I hit my goal (my range is between 1380 and 1730 calories).  Then I kept within my goal the rest of the week.  The first few days I was still starving at the end of the day.  But a trip to the grocery store for some healthier snacks and a realization that I could eat a LOT of vegetables to fill up, and by the end of the week I had actually lost six freaking pounds!  I was shocked but highly encouraged to keep it up.

Now this week I wasn’t as good as I could have been.  My family Christmas party last weekend left me with a bottle of margarita that I happily drank throughout the week and my husband’s birthday produced a very delicious birthday cake.  But still, I minded my portions and tried to stay on track.  Four more pounds!

So here I am today.  After two weeks and ten pounds, I am super happy and very motivated to keep this up.

My friend Mindy told me I needed to write down everything I put into my mouth.  As much as I hate to admit it, she was so right.  Things I wouldn’t even think twice about before…like making myself a mug brownie or just pouring in the coffee mate, had me thinking twice these past two weeks.  I was piling in a ton of calories and I didn’t even know it.

A trip to Chili’s was particularly eye opening for me.  You know they have the nutritional information for all the dishes on every table, right?  Well I was looking at the items I would normally order and it made me want to throw up!  My usual trip to Chili’s would have a half order of the appetizer Texas Cheese Fries (split with my mom and the boys, but still) and that half order dish brings a whopping 1410 calories and 101 grams of fat!  Then, my lunch would be the “Tripple Dipper” with Southwestern Egg Rolls, Chicken Crispers and Big Mouth Bites.  That lunch dish alone carries 1690 calories and 97 grams of fat!  I’m not supposed to go over 1730 calories and I was way over that in one freaking meal.

Holy cow.  No wonder I am so fat.  NO WONDER.

And we go to Chili’s a lot.  That’s just an example of what I normally eat, not just a special outing or anything.

Now, I’m really happy to say that Chili’s has some lighter menu items.  Which is fabulous because it’s one of our favorite places to eat out.  This last trip, instead of eating 2000 calories and 150 grams of fat in one sitting on the above meal, I chose the Margarita Chicken dish with only 600 calories and 13 grams of fat.  And you know what?  It’s really good!  No guilt about having to eat “diet” food.

Having a meal plan and calorie counter has been extremely helpful for me.  Now it’s time to start adding in exercise.  I’m really looking forward to it!

What victories have you had recently?  What was your “ah-ha” moment?  How are you doing?  Does anyone else talk about dieting on their blog??  Should I add a linky again (I used to have one) so we can offer support and encouragement to each other?

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Fat Flinging Friday’s Resurrected

August 15, 2010 By 4 Comments

Yeah, I know it’s Sunday but I’ve been contemplating resurrecting “Fat Flinging Friday‘s” for several days now and I think I’m finally going to do it.  If you haven’t been around long enough to remember what the heck I’m even talking about, then you can read my very first Fat Flinging Friday post HERE.  My weight loss efforts went awry when I got pregnant, but now that I’m “retired” from baby making, I need to get back on track.

The basic deal is this: I SUCK at losing weight.  So this is my accountability deal of sorts.  I’ll have a linky each week and if you feel so inclined, then you can add your accountability posts to it.  I figure this way, we can all support each other, give each other ideas on what actually works and what doesn’t.  Your weight loss post is yours, I only want to support each other.

I’m not really ready to share how much I actually weigh.  It’s incredibly embarrassing.  But I need to lose 100 pounds.  I’ve set myself a few goals and I am using them as my motivation.  Here they are:

  1. Be able to walk (and finish) 60 miles in November for the 3-Day for the Cure.
  2. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon…and hike back out next summer.
  3. Ride the rollercoaster’s with my boys next time we visit a theme park.

Diet

I recently bought the Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World cookbook and have tried a a few of her recipes.  So far, they are really good!  For breakfast I fix myself a protein shake and then lunch and dinner is something out of my Hungry Girl cookbook.

Exercise

If you’ve been reading, then you know I’m a walking fool.  This week (so far) I’ve logged 8 miles of walking.  I plan to do my 1st 8 mile walk tomorrow morning.  Wish me luck!  I think I am going to bust out my EA Sports Active for Wii and start getting some more exercise like that.

Have you posted about your weight loss this week?  Goals, dreams, great diet recipes?  Anything you got, feel free to share it!

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Magic Happiness Pill?

May 21, 2009 By Leave a Comment

I need to lose weight.  A lot of weight.  I spent the last year trying to gain approval for weight loss surgery.  I was ultimately declined for “lack of medical necessity.  *blah*  So now I’m back to square one trying to find something that will work for me.

When I was trying to get approval for surgery, I started drinking lots of high protein shakes.  That worked.  I lost 20 pounds in a month.  But once I got bored with the shakes, I put it back on.  I try to eat well.  I really do.  But it’s hard when you are dealing with the kids and you don’t have time for yourself.  My mom is doing well on Jenny Craig.  But it’s a very slow process.  Plus, it’s really expensive.

So now I am thinking of trying a diet pill.  Has any one used Alli?  I’ve heard things about their “side effects.”  Or what they like to call “treatment effects.”  LOL  You  know, the “gas with oily discharge” or “loose stools.”  *Blech*

But here is what I’m thinking.  If I’m taking a pill that’s gonna cause me to crap my pants when I eat french fries…maybe I won’t eat the french fries.  Am I wrong?  You don’t have these “treatment effects” if you are eating a low fat diet.

If you have used Alli, please let me know what your experience was like.  Did you lose weight?  Help me decide!

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